So a finger was badly hurt last night, while working. It had bled for 2 hours, and hadn't stopped even when I was ready to sleep. Though it wasn't bleeding bleeding, but it kept trickling out and messing things up.
Now, I don't know if this is connected, but the injury seemed to opened the water-gates as well. Spurious outbursts of wierd foreign emotions have left me confused. Throughout the day, as i nursed my non-functional middle finger, I have cried, I have laughed, I have been in love, I have danced, I have heaved humungous breaths in complete frustration at not being able to get through a single chapter without procrastinating.
The days have been getting shorter here, and it has been raining for a very long time now, Can I blame it on the gloom?
In the only yoga class I attended, the instructor informed us while performing a particularly distorted version of acrobatics, that the stress we accumulate, go settle at the hips and the shoulders. Twisting and contorting them, which is what we essentially did during the entire session, is said to release that stress, and this might lead to some kind of emotional release.
"Completely Normal", she commented knowingly.
So, have my hips finally given way after an entire week of breathless agendas?
I have lost track of time, each day seems indistinguishable from the next, months demarcated only by the barrage of bills that keep squirming in out of nowhere. Each morning seems like an extension of the previous night, sleep intercepted by ghastly reminders of the to-do lists. Likes and dislikes have melted in together, all that remains is a suffocating fear of failure. Not immediate failure, but fear of making the wrong decisions, the fear of losing track of the real life.
Possibly the 'emotional release' happened physically, with the blood that would not stop oozing out. Maybe the red stream of helplessness gushing out into the white sink was meant to rinse out the vulnerability cramped inside. It resurfaced, and the boldness was pushed aside...I longed for help, help that will never come.
And so I bled, and soon I was asleep...
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Monday, October 13, 2008
Blood
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2 comments:
For an apparently gloomy post, this comment may seem strange. But the point that hits me most while reading this is that you write really well. And I totally relate to you on the merging of days into nights and nights into days... As days melt into weeks and weeks into months, the only sensation that stays with me if of timeless-ness.
Well aren't you sweet!
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