Keep the Change

So I have been away for a while.

Also, I think I am going to be away for a while. Or not. Organisation is not my thing.

Anyway, the point is - exams are on, am leaving Delhi next week, 20 days in Calcutta will probably pass in a whirlwind, and by mid-August I will no longer be writing here as per Indian Standard Time.

So any shred of sanity left in me would prompt me to accept the fact that I am actually going to be busy. But again, I have a major practical exam tomorrow - and am I sticking to the rules? Nope. I am delaying slogging through 'Restriction Enzyme Digestion of Lambda DNA' by procrastinating here. I am here writing. I am here thinking aloud. I am here spewing crap when half my credits this semester are at stake tomorrow.

Okay that rant didn't help. The guilt hasn't sunk in yet. I doubt it ever will.

And while I am at guilt, I probably also realise that it's time I should start freaking out now, because things are about to change. Big Time! And changes? squirm my guts up into an unrecognisable mush.

Anytime I have had to, absolutely had to change a house, a room, a curtain, a text book, an yellowing compilation of age-old notes, I have invariably always wanted to hold on to the last, not willing to change the tiniest thing around me. Yes, I am a wimp when it comes to adapting.

But this time? now that I have to settle in a different continent altogether - I feel nothing. Nada.
I am starting to fear that maybe this sudden absence of emotions can be rooted down to some deep set humungous psychological malfuntion that is keeping me in denial. Anaesthesia for the subconcious. Anyway, I lost that train of thought. Denial at work again.

So amidst all this confusion - I have no idea what I am going to wake up feeling tomorrow morning. I don't know if suddenly I will realise this knot in my stomach actually means something, something I haven't quite figured out yet.

So thank you for sticking around.