A Little Above Life

So how about a little reminiscing? Well not really. I feel drained out and am unable to come up with anything interesting. I have managed to disrupt my sleeping patterns once more, so I seem to remain tired perpetually.
So, enough with the digression and I get you back on track. Since I seemed to have worn myself completely out with a Tuesday full of crappy politics in college, I thought of digging deep into the collection of crap I have managed to write over the years, and post this. It's deep and stuff so please don't roll your eyes and all that crap if this doesn't interest you:



March 08, 2006.

Have you ever observed the globe, I mean looked at it beyond all the bright shades of greens and blues? Have you ever thought of the enormity it represents?
Have you ever tried to locate your position in it, both physically and spiritually?
Some of us probably have - at some point or other.
But has anybody found any answers? When I try to look for them, I get nothing but frustration, when I forget about it, I feel guilty of being complacent.
Life as we see it today seems fake, yet it is the ultimate manifestation of truth to us. A truth that we have to live each day, each moment - a truth that holds us back - a truth that confines us within the confines of perceived reality.
This will sound naive and pretentious, yet there is no better way to put it than simply ask: Is all of this truly real? Or are we simply living just one of our many pre-ordained lives in the several parallel universes.
Certainly there is no way to find out. And suddenly I feel deprived of the truth. I feel captivated, as though being deceived by the supernature, tucked away in the abonimable trenches of oblivion.
All our Scientific temperament is a glorified version of assumptions and discoveries that seem to have fallen into place somehow, having managed to have fit all the pieces of the puzzle. We talk of gravity, for all we know the entire celestial cloud may be upside down. Upside down? with respect to what? Well we'll never know. Maybe we were never meant to know.
The colours, the sounds, the odours, the tastes that we feel may have a completely different set of other dimensions that we are not, and maybe never ,will be aware of.
Are we merely a part of the history for the future ? Will this moment be only be a part of the past leaving behind a silent trail of moments, days and years fading into a wisp, lost in time? Will there be no meaning to our lives, however precious they maybe to us?
Do you remember the time when you fought with your parents and you thought that they'll never realise your worth? Do you remember your gut jumping into cartwheels when somebody you secretly admired came up to you and spoke to you?
Do you remember the time when you received top score in your 8th standard examinations? They all remain there in your mind but not in your vision. These moments were all extremely important to you at that point of time, but the significance of it wanes away. All that remains is a vague recollection of what may have happened. Now isn't that sad? There are bits of your life you feel you can never get through, but you do - but thats all - a moment overcome is a moment forgotten. Fair, is it?
Presumably, clinical terms will probably define this as chronic deppression. Arguably, it may just be a phase when you strive to find some answers. But the your senses hold you back, you simple aren't biologically capable of thinking beyond this point. Why you exist is not the question, not the one with answers anyway. How you exist seems to what keeps everyone busy. Dragging yourself, dregding through all heaps of unsubstantiated options you wake up every morning and worry about how butter makes you fat!
I do not hope for answers. That's not happening. Yet, maybe when you find your own little space in this world, something which gives you direction, something that seems true to the spirit, you could look forward to living a life that bears your name on the 'license-plate'.