My life has been pretty plain up till now. Not too much drama, almost no sap. Well of course there has been drama, but nothing I am proud of. Nothing life changing, if you know what I mean. I mean there have been jack-asses and man, have I kicked butt! But there hasn’t been anything that has made me go “Man, I truly felt that within me”. There have been days when I wished I weren’t born at all, but that isn’t the drama I am talking about, but turns out that is all I am speaking about right at this moment nonetheless. Yes, I tend to digress, a lot. And that is how most of what I write tends to get so freakishly long and confusing. I’m not sure how my mind works exactly, but yeah that one load of rubbish again.
I wonder how I will digest so much change in one flick of a moment once I step out of the country. I have absolutely no idea where I am going to land up 2 yrs from now. No bloody clue (and I have no idea why I swear so much while I write, I usually don’t do that while I’m talking in person.)
I have zero confidence in myself and I tend to screw things up, a lot. It is like second nature to me. Even if nothing goes wrong, I make sure that my high-performance-efficiency gets a bit too much over the top.
I hope I end up somewhere respectable and that I finally get to be normal and boring.
I hope I can afford to have a pink sweater which, oh my sweet lord, I shall never try on. I hope I can afford build a loft for all the then old women in my family. I hope they fight and scream together with my children for the last cookies.
I hope I find a good friend. This is one thing I realized, a friend can mean a lot. And I hope I get to share all the love that I have been bearing in my heart for all these years. Well that sounded cheesy, but I couldn’t find a way to say that without.
I hope I have a braided rug, that will have a conspicuous hole burnt out on one side, and threads loosened out on the other. That, my friend is comfort and home to me.
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